


Escape Into You

by arollofdice



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, Eventual Romance, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27929239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arollofdice/pseuds/arollofdice
Summary: NOTE: This is able to be read as a self insert where you, reader, are Mila, but I despise not having backstory or not having a vague appearance to use as backdrop.Born in the gutters, Mila saw only one way of escape. Well, one honest way, of joining the military. As soon as she could, she began her training, fighting to do her best, hoping to get somewhere, anywhere better than where she had started out. Anywhere where she could help. Martyrdom at its finest, she joined the Survey Corps.Trauma still followed, horror of horrors following her as she watched comrades die on nearly every trip. Working as the main assistant to Hange didn't make life easy. But it was life. There was food. There was a bed. There were escapes into someone's arms on cold nights. Tea with another while they cleaned side by side.Peace, however, is for people who are not her. Eclipsing feelings were rocking the carefully crafted life she had made, and the only escape has narrowed to being forward.
Relationships: Hange/OC, Levi/OC, erwin/oc if you squint
Kudos: 7





	1. The Titan Boy

Court. They were really having court over a boy who could turn into a titan and the cowards, the disgusting pigs that made up the MP, wanted to kill him. Well, that was the basic rundown she'd gotten from Hange. Sitting before her notebook, she spread out the scrap pieces of paper with notes, information gathered by Levi and Erwin earlier. Quotes from others on the field she herself had collected. It would have to be compiled before court tomorrow. 

The boy--Eren Jaeger--no longer had a fever and was deemed fit to stand trial. A sleepless night was nothing new, but Mila supposed she'd rather not be working during it. 

Hearing the creak of a door, her eyes glanced up for only a moment to recognise Levi's petit form before she returned to her notes. 

"I was hoping to see you" she stated, flipping through a few of the papers, "you met them, right?" she asked, looking up at the man and his cup of tea. The pieces of paper on Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert were scant, notes mainly from their training. Armin was delicate yet intelligent, Mikasa seemed to be a female version of the captain in front of her based on the notes. Getting no answers, Mila glowered at him.

"You know you'll sleep even less if you drink tea this late at night?" she asked, watching him shoot a glare at her but not breaking her gaze away from him as she glared right back. Mila had been the focus of his glare more than enough times. It wasn't any less chilling, but she'd grown to tolerate it. The shorter man let out a sigh before shrugging off the question. 

"I didn't really have a conversation with them when we first met. The notes are what we know" he told her, voice only soft in volume, his tone just as sharp as ever, before sipping at his tea. 

Groaning softly--no one wanted to wake Hange--Mila looked back through the notes she had managed to get her hands on and compile. "I _knew_ I should have accompanied the two of you, your note taking skills are so lacking. I need facial expressions, a vague idea of what he looks like or how he reacts to you" she scolded, about to go on when she was interrupted. 

"Like a scared kid" 

Stopping, she pursed her lips. A kid. She was one too, once. A long time ago now. But still. She remembered the fear she had felt. The anxiety of what she had to work with and work against. Throwing being some sort of mutant into the mix seemed like damn near a curse. It didn't leave her with many options, but she shouldn't need many considering tomorrow's plan. Still, these people would inevitably be with Levi's squad, and she would have to document whatever she could. Drawings, what expressions there were, history. 

Looking up, she glanced at Hange, dead asleep in their chair, since they'd insisted on staying. Everything was a mess. They'd lost a soldier, then been called to defend the walls. The only non-mess, was that several kids had thrown together a haphazard plan that saved countless lives. How long would they be lucky, though? 

"You're staring off again. And there's not time for that" Levi said, looking down at the papers she had strewn about the table. It was going to be a lot to put together. Nodding, she grabbed several sheets, "From what you and Erwin told me, this is what I'm sure about. There's not much on the pages though, a lot of it is ideas crossed out after I cross-referenced with my other folders" Mila explained, nodding at a stack of notebooks. Information about anyone and everyone who she'd met or heard of in these ranks. And, of course, some important outsiders. 

Mila scratched the side of her head looking down at sketches she'd made of the wall, how it was covered, what it would take to rebuild. If they did have to talk in court, she'd have to be prepared with this as well as ideas about making sure titans didn't get too close to repairs. There wouldn't be a lot of time to cross-reference with Erwin either. 

Thoughts, however, stopped, when a cup was put into her hand, "Looks like you'll need to be staying awake more than I will" Levi murmured, his voice was low--he was probably more tired than she was. He was close, for just a moment, and it felt as if Mila had hallucinated what just happened. By the time she gathered herself he was back at his usual spot, a bit further away. 

"Thank you, Levi. Sit down. Maybe rest a bit. You will need it more than I do considering your role" she said, hating the softness that had crept into her voice. It seemed to come at inopportune times, moments of weakness for these people she'd become so close to. Turning her mind from the thought, she sipped at the tea, allowing the bitter taste to stop her nerves and keep her stomach from turning. 

A man's face flashed in her mind and she took another sip of the tea, wishing it were something stronger as she tapped her pen on the table. Looking at the captain, still awake, she knew he wouldn't sleep either. He never really did, and they'd caught each other awake many times throughout the years. "Tell me what the kid looks like" 

"Is this for your weird notebook thing?" he asked, and Mila felt his eyes on her as she flipped through the pages, keeping them out of his view. It was embarrassing the amount of times she'd drawn him and a few others on their crew. Nodding, she made a fresh page and wrote the name 'Eren' at the top. "You'll see him tomorrow and just complain I didn't describe him right" Levi pointed out. 

"I promise I won't, just give me something to do while I think" she told him, pausing a beat too long before adding "Please", her voice level. Her heart was tight, though, as she thought of the new recruits who had come to replace those she had lost. The court date that would decide the fate of history, possibly, but for now, she listened to Levi describe a boy with wide green eyes, brown hair, and a look of constant determination. 

The candle was burning, and she had much more to write. 


	2. Under Supervision

She felt nauseous. Realistically, pain shouldn't bother her. She'd grown up around it as a child, and lived with it even more now as a soldier. Still, seeing Levi kick the shit out of someone brought her stomach to a churn. That, however, was over, and Hange was helping clean him up. Sitting quietly to the side, Mila shifted through the paperwork given to them, for supervising the boy. 

"So, how exactly does it hurt?" Mila heard Hange ask in the background of her thoughts. 

"I don't think he knows what you're asking, Hange" she added, putting a hand on their shoulder from her spot nearby. It was more out of habit to be near Hange than an actual necessity, but it gave a vantage point for how quickly this boy seemed to be recovering. He seemed mostly fine, which was an odd thought she added to her notes while Erwin made his way over. 

"I'm sorry about that, but that did get you placed in our custody" he said, as if it were more a conversation about the weather than getting a shape shifter onto their team. 

Mila, if she was honest, was confounded by all of this. Her brain hadn't had time to process any of it and her mind was reeling with questions unanswered by the kid and by everyone else. Beyond being absolutely stupefied, she was pissed. For lack of a better term, really. Nothing had gone according to her work and the entirety of staying up late last night was absolutely useless unless one accounted for compiling basic profiles of these new members joining the Survey Corps. 

And then it turned out Hange had picked up his tooth. 

"I hope you know I don't plan on touching that, Hange" she said, standing from her previous position and making her way over to the shifter--Eren, she had to call him by his name. He had already been through enough without people like her making him feel like less-than. Levi had made himself comfortable, noting that if it hadn't been for him, he'd be dissected by Hange by now. 

Scoffing, Mila shook her head, "Wrong, Levi, they would be performing the communication tests first. Don't be silly" she chastised him, smirking for a moment before noticing Hange seemed a bit agape at the boy. True, he had healed fast, but curiosity got the best of her as she wondered what could have so perfectly shocked her squad leader. 

Crouching down by Hange as the boy opened his mouth, she fell back on her ass from shock and scrambled back up to her knees to look in. Teeth, adult teeth, don't grow back. But here, it had rejuvenated itself. 

In less than a day. 

Gathering herself quickly, she stood up and offered a slight nod to Eren, "I didn't introduce myself. I'm Mila, I'll be in charge of keeping Hange from taking more of your teeth" she told him, feeling herself manage a smile and watching him smile back slightly. At least she could still hide away her shock behind smiles. Mila wondered what Hell this kid was going to go through now that he knew what he knew. Now that he was what he was. 

* * *

"Wow, you missed a lot of interesting conversation after you left" she heard a light voice say from behind her. Hange. She had left the meeting after a while, needing to at least sneak in a nap before continuing on her work. Who knew how much would be going on now that they had Eren. Already, she'd been given strict orders Levi had to follow while watching over him, and had to pass them on to him. Why no one would tell Levi himself was a mystery to her.

By the time Hange had reached her, Mila had been sitting in the dining area for about two hours, having allowed a girl named Sasha to take a bit of her food when she saw her not touching it. Who could when there was so many questions left unanswered? That, and the titans had only just been kept from killing more of them. The losses seen on cleanup duty were still plentiful. 

Glancing up at Hange, she spotted that hint of concern. Hange was a phenomenal actor, as well as one of the smartest people Mila had ever known. Probably, really, the smartest person she'd ever known. That didn't hide her expressions from Mila's eyes, however. The hints of concern, anger, frustration, sadness, they were fairly clear. Lately, that acting mask had been cracking, and instead, the expressions showed themselves in explosions, going from dark to light in seconds. 

Letting out a sigh, Mila managed a slight smile, "You missed dinner, and I already gave mine away, looks as if you'll have to go without" she told the person standing, watching. Hange always looked at them like this, in a way that seemed to burn her to the core. It was bright and enticing, but stepping to close could be painful.

Of course, she didn't mind that aspect. 

"Oh, don't worry about me, I'd worry about you~" Hange cooed, grinning. That was concerning, and meant two possibilities really. Standing, she followed where Hange beckoned, a usual situation, and followed them right to two titans. 

Mila immediately knew there was no chance she would be sleeping tonight either. Sighing, she rubbed her eyes a few times while walking past the two held into place with various pieces of metal, feeling Hange link their arms together and gently tug her a bit away. Opening her eyes and looking at the titan, she was reminded how huge they were. Even when "small". 

"Aren't they stunning? I'm so happy we have new specimen~ Tomorrow we're going to test conversation, and we'll test more after that, this could be the first success, Mila!" Hange exclaimed, gripping her arm tighter and tighter with every word. Hange always was this optimistic, and she supposed she should try to be, but her manner had always erred on the side of negativity when it came to these things. 

Turning to Hange, Mila gently took their glasses and polished them off on her own shirt before putting them back onto Hange, "I'm sure whatever happens is bound to be interesting at the very least" she managed, putting her free hand onto Hange's shoulder and offering whatever smile she could muster. 

"Ah, Mila, you never believe they'll talk" Hange pouted, and Mila took a moment to note how close they were in the moment. They had been this close--closer--more than a few times and somehow this obsessive scientist still managed to take her breath away. 

Those moments, however, were before their current spat. Turning away abruptly from Hange, they could feel the disappointment radiating from them, though perhaps that was just the disappointment she herself felt, multiplying. "I'll start my notes now, and see you in the morning, Sir" they said, knowing it was cold, but not wanting to let the subject come up again. 

Mila, after all, was under supervision from Hange. Just like Eren with Levi. Albeit, less official. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering, though I doubt it, when I'm studying for what the hell is going on in the series, I actually have Netflix in the other tab so I can refer to things. This also includes facial expressions like those Mila likes to study in her free time.   
> \--Dice


	3. In Mourning

Watching Hange scream over Sawney and Beane was, to Mila, understandable. She knew better than to try and quench any of that kind of pain. It had come to her attention, several times, that it wasn't a sort of parental relationship Hange held with them, but it was the last chance they saw at their goal. Understanding what these creatures were. Why they consumed person after person. She couldn't bring herself to think of every friend lost to the 3+ metre tall fiends, it would make her ill to just begin. 

Feeling her stomach churn, Mila turned, dizziness striking her as she walked through the crowd. It felt like walking through one's reflection, when the water was rippling. Slow-going, disorienting, and entirely captivating. "Tomorrow, I'll see you" she called back to Hange. At least, she thought she called back, she felt her mouth move but heard nothing.

Looking forward at the distorted world, she hoped she at least walked normally. MP she had been stuck alongside looked like they lacked faces as she made her way towards the exit she knew was there. Something--someone--touched her arm and she sent her elbow flying back, and the next thing she knew, the grip was firmer, and the hand was attached to a scowling someone, but she managed to rip her arm free and move faster, to the outside of the walls that once confined two 3 meter titans.

Now groping her way along, she sat against the wall, where there were less people, slowly lowering herself to lay down, propping her legs against the wall. This had happened countless times before. When things got too much, when she was too tired. _When you haven't eaten enough,_ a voice chastised. For now, though, that couldn't be helped, and she'd been too late to lay down. Mila closed her eyes as the world went dark.

* * *

_Two men and one woman stood over her mother, another woman holding her down, keeping her from moving. "We just want to collect our debt, May" the tallest man said. His name was Owen. He was ugly. Blonde hair that was greasy and fell into his face, lips that seemed nonexistent, and blue eyes that were so dark they seemed to want to eat you alive. Mila had seen him many days of her life, and she squirmed under the weight of the woman keeping her down._

_"Don't you fucking touch her" she yelled, feeling sudden pressure applied to her neck, cutting off air. The man merely glanced back, smirking, as he landed another harsh kick to her mother's head. It had been hours. They wouldn't let either of them up to use the restroom and the room reeked of that and humiliation._

_Please, please don't, she had pleaded. She had done everything she could. Mila had as well. 'Please, don't', she found herself begging in her head. She hated herself for it._

_The pressure alleviated just enough to take thin gasps of air, her vision coming back into focus. Just as the man brought his boot down on her mother's head for the last time, a sickening crunch pervading the air._

* * *

Sitting up gasping for air, she nearly collided with someone's head. Who was it? 

"I told you she was fine" said a voice, and while gasping, she noticed at some point she'd been brought inside. Two people were with her. Eren, who was probably in the process of being supervised and whose head she'd nearly collided with, and Levi. Swallowing, her throat was dry but she ignored it, leveling out her breath as she forced herself to stop shaking. 

Humiliating, waking up in front of the two of them. Who had even carried her in? Mila was furious. They could have just left her outside, Levi himself knew she hated being moved, being touched, so why did they bring her in? 

Glowering, she knew her temper was on the last ropes of sanity. 

"Who's bright idea was it to bring me in?" she rasped, knowing her throat was dry as she took the cup of water from the stand next to her. "I don't need to be in the fucking infirmary, I'm fine" Mila said, though no one had yet answered her. Drinking the cup of water, she waited and looked between the two as Levi nodded coolly at Eren, not at all perturbed by this side of her character. 

"Eren was concerned after you shook off my grasp leaving the titan prison. When we got out, you wouldn't wake up. So, we brought you in" he said, as if it were the weather. 

Eren looked at Levi as if the man had just told Mila he'd been caught staring down girls' shirts. He didn't say anything to dispute it, however, making Mila wary as she glanced between the two of them. She hadn't yet had enough time to read all of Eren's expressions. Before she could try to, Levi set a plate on the table in front of the bed. 

"Eat" was all he said, opening the door and stepping out, Eren following. 

Mila glanced at the plate and, morosely, stabbed her fork into the food, eating what she could. Relapse was a worse option than the current recovery plan had been, anyway. 

By the time Levi came back, the plate was clear. He didn't seem satisfied or relieved, and that made her glad. What came next, however, didn't make her glad. 

Levi sat down in the other chair in the room, crossing one leg over the other, and stared at her. "What?" she asked, arching a brow at him, "Another lecture? I've been doing what I can" she retorted, as if he'd already chastised her. 

"No" he said plainly, eyes sharp, hiding something. Mila wondered if he was amused or if he just planned on staying there. Sighing, she stood and cleared her dishes away for now, before sitting opposite him on the bed. 

"Gonna sleep here or something?" she asked, and he shrugged, nonchalant. It seemed to be something he carried at all times. "Probably. Eren is in the next room, and Hange is still in mourning, leaving me stuck with the two of you brats" he seemed aggravated. Mila personally doubted it was that disconcerting. Neither of them slept very much, and had spent enough time in each other's company to be comfortable. He was crude, and unkind, but so was she at times. 

Her sleep, besides, was ruined now, by thoughts of dark blue eyes, and the boot coming down on her mother's head. Looking at Levi, she analyzed him closely. He was from the gutter, like her, and she wondered how he seemed so disconnected from it. The two of them shared some habits--cleaning, their way of fighting--but she hadn't figured out how he stayed put together. Then again, it could all be external, as internally, she'd seen him take on more and more weight and burdens from dying comrades. 

Levi didn't seem too pleased by the staring, and eventually stared back. Meeting his gaze, Mila could see who he must have been once, a roughneck kid who had to learn to survive. Learn how to make it without dying at the hands of starvation, illness, or other people. Blinking, she managed a smile at him, though he didn't smile back. 

"Levi, I think everyone is too intimidated by you to tell you that you have very pretty eyes" she told him, blunt and to the point, but he just scoffed, and told her they were grey. Shaking her head, Mila said, "Grey, yes, but they have more in them than that. I see more" was all she said, before blowing the candle out in the room, and laying back on her bed, to enjoy the silence. 

Neither of them would sleep, but they could appreciate the company. Mila had been drifting into a state of awake-but-not when she heard, "Thanks". Somehow, it was the nicest compliment she'd ever heard. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wonder of wonders, I haven't written a fanfiction in...maybe a decade. But, you know what, its a good way to practise and satiate the strong boredom of quarantine. All criticisms and praise are welcome.  
> Also, me vs the slowest start  
> \- Dice


End file.
